Hi, I suppose you have been feeling a little neglected.
Another semester down. I now have just over three weeks to put myself back
together and convince myself to do it all again. If uni has taught me anything
it is that life can always get worse but also on some level that despite that I
can do things I would have argued to be impossible. I never wanted to hate uni.
I mean I love learning but the pressure of assessments really gets to me. It
ruins it.
I mean exams really are the times where you regret every
decision you have ever made in your entire life. I mean it. Every single one.
Even the good decisions because it is the sum of those decisions that have lead
you to having to sit the exam. Content that was once interesting is no longer
and for some stupid reason it wont stick in your brain. And that is just the
preparation. The exam itself is a whole other ball game. Because it is only in
that moment that you question things that have always made sense, because
suddenly nothing does. And I have always had only semi legible handwriting at
the best of times but add some nerves and it becomes another language. Your
brain no longer feels part of your body and you find yourself asking, no,
pleading with it to just calm down, start working and answer the question on
the paper.
…
Hi, again. I typed the above the day after my last exam then
promptly ignored it for the next two weeks. However, one cannot claim to have a
blog if one does not post and let’s face it I am very unlikely to post during
semester time. But my results are in and without details they are nothing to be
ashamed of. So, even though at the time I seemed to lack faith in my brain it
did good and I am now officially only 4 papers away from a degree. Which as
awesome as it is, its actually a bot frightening to have the end so near in
sight. People are now asking me “so, what’s next” and the only answer I have
for them right now is “the real world,” and I’m not quite sure what that looks
like just yet. What makes it harder is that uni insulates you. Now I don’t mean
that in a positive protective way. What I mean in that a person only has so
much brain space and energy to give. With the pressure of uni I end up having
little of either for anything beyond my next seemingly impossible deadline.
Even though it’s a bit late for me I find myself wondering whether a more
gradual transition would have be possible and/or better, rather than the direct
cut-over from uni to life.
But anyway…
Naturally, I have been intending to post for a while. Every
now and then I will actually hypothetically write a couple of lines, work out a
general plan and think “hmm, not bad, the next time I sit at my computer I
INSERT NAME HERE will write that and finally post.” But, when I am actually at
my computer the moment is gone and of course I’m looking for my next show to
binge watch. Priorities people. So life moves on, work happens, appointments
happen, you procrastinate all that stuff you put off during semester, you get a
cold and in my case a concussion (not at the same time thankfully) and that
creative outlet you promise you do actually want gets neglected.
Which in a round about way brings me to something I think
has contributed to my reluctance to post and strangely enough what I had originally
intended to talk about when I originally sat down and wrote the first two
paragraphs; which is how little of my life I actually capture with this blog.
But, I’m not sure I would give it justice right now and this
post is long enough as it is. So I’m going to try something new. I will post
what I have with the goal of finishing what I started later.
However unlikely it is I leave you now with a:
TO BE CONTINUED… (maybe)
