I'm going to level with you. I wanted to reserve this space for the side of me that I liked. The one trying to embrace creativity, the mind racing so fast that no one could understand it, the me who thought just maybe people would laugh at the drivel I could post under the vague term of 'Blog Writer'. Because of this I had rules about what I would and would not talk about. But now it seems that if I don't break one I will never post again.
What is misery? Misery is a paralyzing pain in every cell of your body, an exhausting burn that you can't imagine ever going away. Needing to do so much but not wanting to do anything. Just wanting to be better than you are, but too scared to try.
Do you need a reason to be miserable? No
So there, I am miserable or at least not far from it. People might argue that I am exaggerating but I'm going to post this anyway and regret it afterwards. On Facebook I would be considered an attention seeker or something like that, but here it doesn't matter. Plus on Facebook people want short sharp bursts of amusement, a place to laugh with people. I'm not good with short, my blog posts testify to that. It might be hard to imagine but this has been me showing restraint.
I have so much stuff I have to do but I just can't seem to focus, It isn't that the stuff to particularly difficult, I just don't want to do it.
Like I've previously stated my passion is acting and stories. Well at least I think it is I've never really had a chance to find out. But it is one of the few things I get genuinely excited about. So I think that if I could just do something in that area then I might feel better. With this and my addictive personality a watch a lot of television. Like a Chef must like food, watching others act is really as close as I can get to what I love right now. But this seems to be very counter productive. As you can imagine watching others do what you want to do but cannot is extremely frustrating. Hence less enjoyment, but still more than anything else so you watch more. Then life gets harder because you have procrastinated so much, so you feel you a pick me up which is .... you guessed it more watching. Adding this to the normal downward spiral of your average procrastinator and it all gets pretty stupid.
So, here's the thing. Television has given us unreasonable expectations about what our lives should be like. Now I more than most get that it is a distraction, escapism. People don't want to watch the monotony of real life. But when was the last time you saw the hero of that action show you watch get home from work and do the dishes? Paperwork is always discussed but we don't get to spend hours with the character actually filling it out. Need to take a 10 hour flight? Don't worry we can get you there in 6 seconds. Now add this to the fact that the story-lines are already tantalizingly dramatic and you have a crazily unrealistic life. I'm not saying this is wrong and before you ask, yes I do know the difference between fiction and reality but on some level this must affect a person. You see characters with great jobs but you don't see the years they suffered through uni to get it, everything is action packed and exciting, also you never have to wait for anything. You must be able to see how after a long day of hard work and bore it is easy to start becoming discontent with your present circumstances. Not that I would want my life to be like a t.v show, because if something can go wrong you can bet that it will.
I am sorry, I haven't figured how that rant is mean't to end and I have dinner waiting to that's just going to have to be it. I have a feeling I was meant to link it back to to how trying to write a blog about the interesting things in my life has made it even more obvious just how boring my life is. So full of positivity today!!!
I just want to act. Actually I would just settle will being able to wake up in morning and actually wanting to get out of bed. Now if my life was a movie or t.v show by some fluke someone with ties to the appropriate industry would see this post and change my life. But it's not and well I would never even waste energy hoping for the impossible. It is also completely incompatible with reality. If my wants could just match up with reality I would be happy with that.
The weird thing is that I was looking for a creative outlet and I found people who were looking for someone to write for their blogs, about movies, books, t.v shows some even just about anything. And I thought 'hey, that would be something I would be good at, I should do that, it would be cool'. Even though I have this blog, on which I could do all those things and hardly ever post on. I don't make sense.
But, I suppose it motivated me to make this post, no matter what kind of drivel it contains.
Cya
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