Prince Charming And Self Doubt

I’m now stuck in the awkward place where I really don’t know what I’m doing here. To begin with I would just type whatever just because I wanted to but now I’m starting to put pressure on myself. Like in a way doing well makes you more afraid of failure. Also I started with all these rules about what I would and would not talk about. You see on reflection I quite like the posts I have already done (I’m allowed to like them right?) so I’m afraid that the next one I write will be bad. I had those feelings with each of my posts actually but I suppose I’m in a different head space now.

Also there’s the whole way a blog is set up with the most recent posts first. Now I get why that makes sense. If you were doing a blog on technology and had been for a few years it would be stupid to order the posts chronologically. People want to see the most relevant information. But probably because my blog lacks a clear defined purpose it just feels like the person would be reading a novel backwards. I don’t intend for my posts to be viewed in isolation. As it stands with each post I have to cater to return viewers/readers (not that they currently exist but one has to hope) and also write in a way that will encourage new ones to keep reading. It means that I can’t really afford to have a bad day or post. I just don’t think I can cope with that kind of pressure. I suppose that, that’s what the real world is like; you are only as good as your last stroke of genius.

I’m going to blame the fact that I have two exams in less than a week and am now in the lie on the floor and cry phase of my preparation feeling beyond hopelessly unprepared as the reason for the sudden change in tone. It is hard to construct an interesting stream of consciousness when your brain is in a stunned form of panic. But I would like to comment on a problem that I think any girl who was introduced to Disney Princess movies at an early age will suffer from. You see in these movies when things get bad Prince Charming rides in and saves the day. So on some really weird subconscious level when I get stressed, things go wrong or I have to do something I really don’t want to I hope that Price Charming will arrive any moment and I won’t have to worry anymore. Just for the record it hasn't happened yet but hey you never know today might be the day. I don’t see how that will help me with my exams though or at least help me study for them so perhaps I will just go to plan B. Plan B is another ridiculous and impractical idea taught to me by television. I shall have to run away to the circus.

Now as I prepare myself to begin apologize for the quality of what I have just written I realize that by doing this I am actually judging you (I use the term you in a broad sense to represent any person who happens to find themselves at this place in the post) I mean who am I to think I know what you like or don’t like. Maybe I should just mind my own business and let you make up your own mind about my blog. Maybe I shouldn't care what you think. (But I do so please don’t be upset by that last sentence.)

Maybe I feel guilty that I’m writing my blog instead of studying. I will be upset with myself about it if not now soon. That’s another thing about procrastination you can’t even enjoy any of the procrastinationary (Yes I’m making that a word) activities.

So I will post this now just because I spent valuable time writing it and by having something to show for that time I hope to minimize the waste.

Maybe tomorrow will bring something more interesting.