Results, Reflections and Reading (The Mostly Good Kind)

In an attempt to prevent a true disconnect between the content and the title of my blog I thought that I would take a moment to talk about procrastination. You see results are in (they have been in for a while, I just haven’t got around to posting) and without going into specifics mine were good, in fact they were the best I have ever had at uni. So obviously that is good but, it got me thinking about what it took to get those marks. I would have to say that this past semester my level of procrastination was the least it has ever been. Don’t get me wrong I still procrastinated, just not quite to the same degree as in the past.

Now obviously I’m sure we would all agree that procrastinating is never ideal. So it makes sense that doing less of it will lead to greater periods of productivity and better results. The interesting thing is that it did not lead to less stress. Even though I put more time and work into my studies I was not in the slightest bit more confident in my ability. In fact the prospect of doing badly was even the more devastating due to the fact that I had put more time and effort in. It also did not mean that other areas of the life grew. By that I mean in the end I just spent the time I would have spent procrastinating doing uni work and not well leading a balanced life. It’s also not just about time but productivity.  So I may have been actively working but man I work slowly. It’s a problem.

Anyway may I procrastinate even less in the future and be more productive.

But for now I am on holiday and by holiday I mean work with intervals of procrastinating in my days off (maybe I am experiencing procrastination rebound where because I did less during semester I’m doing more during the break, at the very least my break time procrastination has not reduced). I won’t talk much about work but to say that due to my experience of being a check out chick I will be a much better customer.

The thing I have managed to do more of during the break is reading for fun rather than  for academic purposes. Now I am a fan of the dystopian genre in fact I was a fan before the name was common place and all the series started being made into films. I also freely admit that in can at times feel like you are just reading the same story again the main character just has a different name. Of course there are some real gems (the other day I finished the Unwind Dystology) with a twist or feature I have never seen before (which probably is dependant purely on the order in which I discover series’) but I openly recognise the similarities between many of the series I have read and quite frankly thoroughly enjoyed (well most of them, there have been some stinkers). The thing that frustrates me a little and only a little is that with most of them being a series rather than standalone books there is the small problem of maintaining ones knowledge of the previous books while waiting for the next.

I will explain.

You read a fantastic book just to find that it is the first in a series with the next to be released in … lets say 10 months, these days with goodreads and library ordering services remembering that the book exists 10 month down the track is not so much of a problem so let’s say you have ordered the book and when it is published and you have got down the waiting list you can pick it up. So you now have the book in your little hot hands, the first thing that happens is you are holding a book you no longer have recollection of ever ordering but a quick look on the back or inside covers informs you that this is the sequel to the above mentioned fantastic book. Well now you are excited because the last one was SO FREAKING AWESOME and you start reading… and more often than not my first thought a couple of pages in is “who the hell are these people???”. You see with all the time that has gone by I don’t remember much beyond the general premise the main characters’ names  and that I loved the previous book. It’s not unheard of for me to get three quarters or even the whole way through a sequel without remembering who some of a minor characters are which appear in both books. I feel like I don’t get as much out of the book. And considering the fact that I don’t often get time to read for pleasure I don’t want to sped that time rereading books just so I can get to the sequels. Now since these are not the type of books one would write an essay on in high school (part of the reason I like them) a nice summery of the previous book is not available and as entertaining as some of the longer goodreads reviews are they are not always the best at summarising the plot objectively.

My point is that I think there should be made available a summary of books which are part of a series for the very purpose of jogging the minds of readers who have waited patiently for the next book. Now there may be issues e.g. spoilers but really I think people who really want to enjoy the reading experience would only use the summery in the way I have suggested. Maybe there are some other issues with the idea I haven’t considered but I am at this point too tired to  go much further. I just think that it would be nice and make my life easier and my reading more enjoyable so why not.

That’s enough for today, I have a book to read.

I have a pile actually

Cya

Brains, Excuses and Physical Exertion

I went for a run today. It was great… and by great I mean absolutely awful. Now you may be wondering why this is a bloggable experience. Quite simply I cannot remember the last time I went for a run but I suspect it was at least two years ago.

Yeah, I’m not an exercise person.

So why did I go for a run? Well for one, today I had to try on my summer clothes to make sure they still fitted and assess the state of my wardrobe (it wasn't pretty) and secondly three days ago a neurologist told me that in the absence of any identifiable cause lifestyle changes would be the best (only) way to deal with my current wide range of symptoms.

I suppose I need to give you some more context. I had the excitement of having an MRI of my brain, then the excitement of hearing that there were some weird white patches on that scan, then the excitement of googling what the patches suggested (even though they told me not to), the excitement of seeing for myself those white patches and an examination which involved having a highly trained neurologist prick me with a safety pin in varies places and asking if I could feel it and finally the excitement of finding out that there is nothing wrong with my brain and it just has funny white patches when you scan it.

So, obviously the good news is that there is nothing wrong with my brain, plus I got to see a picture of my brain, MY BRAIN peoples. The bad news is they have no clue why I am feeling so sick.

So what followed was a generic, eat well at regular times, sleep enough at regular times, avoid caffeine and exercise regularly preferably outside spiel that everyone knows but never actually listens to until they are desperate and a highly paid and educated medial person tells them.

Now, I don’t know if I am just still readjusting to humanity post exams or something but I’m feeling a bit of an identity crisis going on (it probably just an overly dramatic teenage thing). Quite simply I always say my dream is to be an actor but I never do anything about it. There is that saying about if you don’t want to do something you will find excuses and if you do want something you will make it happen. And lately I have been making a lot of excuses. Take community theatre for example. All of the closest ones are still very far away, they often do musicals (singing is not my thing) and to be a member you have to submit a theatre CV. Now the CV thing seemed quite odd to me I mean its like the whole job and experience thing where you won’t get a job without experience but you cannot get the relevant experience without a job. I mean if community theatre is not the place for a novice actor to get acting experience where is? So let’s imagine I can get to the location and have enough acting experience to have an theatre CV (currently 1 intermediate school production, 1 high school production, NCEA levels 1-3 in Drama including a years 12 and 13 drama class production). I then have to hope that the show they are doing isn’t too objectionable for my sensitive standards and has a part that vaguely fits me. We then have the challenge of fitting rehearsals around work and uni (impossible). And finally I have to audition well enough to actually get a part.

There is also the option of signing up with an agency that involves getting head shots and there is still the issues of experience and scheduling around uni and work.

So no instead I get uni which I hate and a job as a checkout chick, writing scripts in my head that will never be read let alone made into anything and spending my evenings binge watching tv series and feeling bitter about the fact that these actors are doing what I wish I could.

But perhaps I am being too hard on myself a mean right now getting out of bed and through the day without crying is a huge achievement. I’m just sick of felling sick and miserable and I hate that I can’t be bothered to do anything about it, It’s all just too hard, I know that they say exercise will help but seriously exercise is the last thing I want to be doing.

But, I have just bought a voucher for five fitness boxing classes so that is going to be an experience (I blame Arrow, it is the last show I binge watched).

Why can’t I just enjoy my holidays like normal uni students?

Till next time.

Habit Formation, Distraction and Thrift

So I am currently typing this at uni. I have just finished my last exam and don’t quite know what to do what to do with myself. Some part of me obviously thought it would never end. So, instead of wallowing in what mistakes I may have made or what I could have done differently I am talking to you. This is becoming quite a habit I know.  Well actually, the first thing I did was look up the past exams for a paper I am enrolled in for summer school (by choice) and one that I think I might change to but that all felt a bit too much like studying so here we are.

The unfortunate thing is that I have nothing to talk about. I mean not that I ever really do but I usually at least have something. But, the last three weeks of my life have been hellish exams and we don’t want to talk about those. And they really consume your life in a bad way (I would make a very bad advocate for university, this is why I don’t ever visit my old high school, every so often they would get a past student to return and tell us about how great uni was, they must have been paid). 

Now I was going to do a rant about how I didn't like the fact that Taylor Swift took all her music off Spotify but then I would have to admit that I listen to her music. Now I go through phases but I wouldn't call myself a fan or anything. I'm more like a casual observer who will give most music a try by reserves the right to like or dislike music on a song by song basis. So, it’s not that I am devastated that I can’t listen to her songs but it is the fact that she left. Because I like Spotify and Pandora and the like, to be honest I barely listened to music before they existed. And I will openly admit I am cheap, the thought of spending money on something I might only like 10% of doesn't jell with me, plus I am a poor student (Yes I am playing that card). Now obviously I think artists (I know that term is controversial for many, but it is the easiest to use) should be paid fairly for their work but its seems like what I think is fair is rather different from what others think.

So I guess I kinda did my rant anyway. I really want to read a novel (weird considering all the reading I have done over the last three weeks) but the ones I want to read you have to order from the library (like Spotify but for literature) months in advance and I just haven’t had the head space. Plus all I have with me is uni stuff. Wow, I am so unprepared for post exam life I really must of thought life would end after my exam I didn’t even pack lunch.

So this incoherent but at least it is legible.
I’m stopping now.
Bye.

Good Titles Take Effort

So, today was the last day of lectures, my first exam is in a week and I have a cold. So, in other words it is time to write a blog post. Don’t get me wrong I have been meaning to post for some time but with all the crazy deadline happening and me trying to get at least some sleep the deal became, watch an episode of TV or write a post you are not even sure you will like. And we all know how much I love my TV. So yeah, sorry to neglect you.

And it is not just that I have been meaning to post in general but I have been meaning to do this post. It intends to be more serious than usual.

So, I suffer from depression. I mean if you have been reading these or know me that probably isn’t a surprise to you, it’s not to me. I haven’t exactly been the shining light of positivity in these things. But, it’s official now. I got to a point where you decide that you can’t carry on with things the way they are. You tried but you just feel broken and life should not be this painful for this long.

Which means I’m not just a miserable human I have an illness.

Now this is the point that I look at what I have just typed and ask? Do I really want people to see this? And the answer is no, not really. Why? Because I don’t want to feel the way I do. It’s not nice. I don’t feel good about myself and I don’t want people to judge me on the person I am when I am sad and tired and stressed.

But this is my blog and while I promised it wouldn’t be a diary this is what is currently going on in my life right now. And it kind of affects my blog because it changes the tone of what I write so I suppose I’m just giving you some context. For example the whole goal this a few weeks back.

I also want to point out a couple of things (Disclaimer the following points a purely based on my own experiences and are not intended to apply to anyone else). Firstly, TV, and the internet and social media all say this if you are feeling down for an unusually long period of time and aren’t coping you should seek help. Now, I just want to point out that I am totally for that. You should get help, if you ask and people won’t give it to you ask someone else until you get what you need. Yes, yes, yes seek help (Side point you should preferably do this sooner than I did, all those questionnaires say to think about how you have felt over the past two weeks, so when you can’t remember the last time you didn’t fell down you have probably left it longer than ideal). But, what I do want to point out is that they don’t tell you anything about what happens after. Because that is where things get tough. The thing is as much as you want it to life doesn’t just stop, you cant just throw up your hands and say I am sick I am going to act like a sick person. Well I couldn’t anyway I had full time uni to do. What happens is that now you have to do everything you were doing before and feeling overwhelmed and also do other things and have appointments ect, treatment takes time and effort and energy which is tough if your symptoms include low motivation, fatigue and feelings of hopelessness and sadness.

There are other things to, like the stigma around depression or mental illness in general. Now, this isn’t a tirade against society or anything I’m simply saying that for some reason mental illness tends to get treated differently to other illness. And, it should be treated different because it is different but I don’t think it is being treated different in a good way. But then maybe the issue is partly with myself. Because it has taken me a long time to accept that I am sick and not just lazy and useless. So if I have been struggling with that for a while can a really expect people to be any different. Even so I think there is still a bit of shame attached to having a mental illness  and that maybe people could treat those who are depressed in a more supportive and better way. I feel that if I have to ask for special consideration I am ‘playing the depression card’ that I have to constantly justify that I am actually sick.

But, there are some interesting things to. Like when you are getting help for depression everyone is suddenly interested in and asking about your breathing. Because apparently there is a right way to breath and a lot of people get it wrong. It also takes training and practice to get your technique just right. Now this to me seems really weird, it’s like asking someone how their walking technique is going. If they are over the age of two,  of average health and not competing in the Olympic games in the walking event (the discussion regarding how weird this event is to watch will have to be postponed to another day but I it begs to be had) walking is not something you have to consciously work on. Now considering that if you don’t breathe you die, I had assumed that if I was still in a state to be asked the question of how my breathing was going and not suffering from asthma I didn’t have a problem. I was wrong.

So, this has been exhausting, I hope I haven’t said anything that upsets anybody. It wasn’t meant to. It is simply a stream of consciousness of perhaps sweeping generalizations regarding what I am experiencing right now and I want to be ok with what I have posted.

Stay awesome.

Academic Bitterness and Uncharted Topics

So I am writing a post,
Which means I have just finished a university test a mid-term to be exact. It also means that I would rather not dwell on how it went but I suppose it could have gone worse. Today is August 30^th (putting in the date because I probably won’t upload this today and I think you can actually manually change the post date on blogger but I really can’t be bothered) now for those in the know about the University of Auckland you may be wondering why I have just finished a test. Isn’t it the first day of mid semester break and also a Saturday? Yes, yes it is. They can schedule a mid-term during mid semester on the weekend? Can they yes, should they? Well that is certainly debatable. I mean if it had been any earlier I would have been even less prepared but then again IT A SATURDAY MORNING DURING BREAK and I had to post pone my holiday for it. And by holiday I mean a week of doing uni work at a location other than uni or home. Hopefully with a day of snowboarding or two.

Interestingly the only non uni book I have to read over break is about people going to university, not some soppy gossipy one, it’s actually a really good dystopian series. But really if I want a distraction from uni, reading about these people going to classes and studying for test won’t be the most effective thing. Then again if these people fail they die sometimes rather violently so maybe it puts real uni into perspective. It’s still awful though death penalty or not. Today there were kids in their last year of high school touring the campus. They were so excited and hopeful. Seriously there is nothing that can prepare you for the real experience the exhaustion, the stress, the frustration, the agony and disappointment. But at high school they don’t even try to tell you the real story. They pervade this myth that you will find your passion and be in control of your education, that if you work hard you can have a life and still get good grades. It’s not like that. Notice how they didn’t mention sleep anywhere in that. That’s because you basically give sleep up.  Oh the bitterness I can express when given half the chance. It’s worrying.

Anyway. I had meant to do another goal motivated post but I had nothing to say then by the time I did life was crazy busy  and I was pulling 12 hour days of solid uni work and it just didn’t happen. But, now that I have a spare moment I think it is time that society addressed the bizarre experience of laser hair removal. Because if a semi anonymous blog is not the place to embarrass oneself regarding generally personal matters I don’t know where it. So I have gone to multiple places and I have to admit the experience is different depending on the person who does it they place and the type of machine they use  but essentially this is how it goes. You walk into the room that gives the impression that you are about to be the patient of a medical procedure rather than anything beauty salon related. It is freezing cold to keep the laser happy and you strip down to your underwear. You then get on the treatment table and have googles placed on you so you cannot see a thing. Then you are zapped with a laser, AND IT FREAKING HURTS.  I mean the fact that it is a laser should have been a hint but some people have the audacity to tell you it doesn’t hurt, I have also been told “if it doesn’t hurt it is not working”. The icing on the cake is that you actually PAY SOMEONE to do this to you. With a little bit of imagination the whole thing is like you have been discovered as an enemy agent across the border during wartime and are being tortured for information. I have discovered I would make a very bad spy. So yeah very weird.

On that note, I shall leave you, I am about to reach my trains stop and I have run out of things to say.

Till next time.

What is More Worrying? The Fact That I Wrote This or the Fact That I am Willingly Putting it on the Internet?

I made a goal the other day that I would post on this blog. I have never been a goal kind of person. Having to write some at the beginning of every term at primary school is something I almost dreaded. You see writing something down makes it concrete, you wanted to achieve something, and if you don’t achieve it than it is harder to brush it off. That’s way people say you should write goals down because than you will be more likely to actually do something about it. And if you make it time bound than you really can’t procrastinate. It isn’t that I don’t have goals; people have described me as ‘driven’ and I don’t think you could be that without goals I just don’t want to write my goals down because I don’t want to feel bad about not achieving them; I don’t like the feeling of them hanging over me. The ironic thing is the only reason I’m posting is so I achieve my goal. So it worked, I knew it would and I am happy that I am posting even if the post is quite a downer I just wish I didn’t have to write a goal in order to achieve it. And this is the point when my argument begins to spiral because I don’t want to admit that sometimes the thing you don’t want to do is actually good for you. So, let’s just call this a teenage moment and move on.

I do have a slight problem though; I really don’t have anything to post about. Now that might not matter in regards to the goal since there was nothing in it regarding the quality of the post but if you want readers quality does kinda help. Yes, I am back at uni. No, it’s not like anybody or television said it would be. Yes, I am stressing. No, I haven’t used my video camera since I went back.

Anyway I can’t really have a post about nothing so I am going to talk about something weird, and then I am going to post it on the internet. Because that doesn’t seem like flawed logic at all (sarcasm, sorry to feel that I have to point it out, unfortunately or actually fortunately as it may be I’m pretty sure you don’t get the hear my voice when you read this so sometimes I worry that maybe that changes the perceived meaning of the things I say). Ok so it is August and there are daffodils and I generally love daffodils. They are just such a happy flower that seems to suddenly appear overnight and I get to walk by a whole bunch of them on my way to uni which improves the walk up a very steep hill significantly. The problem is that elsewhere on campus there are these miniature daffodils,  with multiple tiny flowers on each stem thing (note: not knowledgeable about plant life) and for some reason walking past them makes me irrationally angry. Now if you had asked me a week ago I would have probably said that in the normal course of events it is impossible to hate a flower for no reason. But I really do. They just annoy me and I don’t know why. And that then annoys me more.

Now telling you all this would have been much more interesting if that story had a point or a comical observation at the end but really I’ve got nothing.

But I achieved a goal …so that counts for something … I guess.

Haphazardly Spelt Words Organised Somewhat Coherently to be Published Forever on the Internet

I must start this post with an apology.

I missed world pyjama day. In fact I completely forgot that I declared it a day at all. Although a just googled it an Australia has two separate pyjama days as part of fundraising for something important but that is not a world pyjama day so yeah, maybe next year. Although blogger thinks that "pyjama" is spelt wrong which explains why my post declaring the day says "Pajama" which google has just told me is the American spelling  and I probably should have googled the spelling the day I wrote that post instead of having the awkward desision now of changing the spelling in this post or the previous or not at all (not at all is winning right now) but it was the first day after exams so I think I can forgive myself. But inconsistent spelling does make it hard to have a world wide day especially if I can't even decide which version to use, technically they are both right. Blogger also thinks "spelt" is spelt wrong, is that right?

I also felt a bit weird about posting my last post. The thing is I wrote it right after my last exam and then left it for a couple of days before proof reading. When you are in exam mode you have all these ideas about the great things you will do once it is over. It is those ideas that get you through it. But then three days go by, you are busy with work and suddenly everything seems sooo difficult, too difficult. Which is sad, but life.

I decided to post it though because it was a true reflection of how I felt at the time just like this shows how I feel now. Plus, I want to be the motivated creative go getter so maybe one day I will read it again and it will be just what I need.

Anyway, my mother read my blog the other day (actually quite a while ago now but that is not really important to the story so "the other day" will suffice but I have a thing about being overly honest). Now I don't mind if she reads it or not, she just hadn't till this point and I had assumed it was intentional. But after the hotel post she looked it up. And found a lot and I mean a lot of issues with spelling, grammar (not so much of an issue as sometimes it is intentional but sometimes it is not and then we have issues), sentences that I seem to have lost interest in half way though and just given up on unfinished etc. Which is very embarrassing. I mean I have always sucked at spelling and spell check is on my list of best friends (don't actually have a list) but I didn't want the internet to know the extent of the problem. I mean how can you expect your blog to be successful if people cannot read it? On, that note how can you expect your blog to be successful if you never tell anyone about it? Or, if you never post on it? Anyway lets cross one bridge at a time. What this did was expose the horrible habit I have of not properly proofreading any of my posts.

Yes that's right even I can't be bothered reading these things in full. So HOW can I expect anyone else to read them???????? To be honest at the time of completion I generally dislike most of my posts so I am afraid that if I read them than I would chicken out of posting and then I would have a file on my computer of things that I spent time writing that no one will ever read and a sadly empty blog. So instead I just try to think of a name that isn't too cringe worthy and press publish. So I guess I am working on the belief that a bad post is better than no post. Which on reflection doesn't really sound like a well thought out system but there are bigger things in the world to worry about. However I now plan on putting a little more effort into the proofreading stage of  this thing and hopefully I will pick up on the worst offenders.

Now, what shall I have for lunch?

Hypothetical Confessions to Inanimate Objects and Post Exam Brain Fillers

Hey, blog…

We need to talk. I know that I have been ignoring you lately and I’m sorry. This is tough but you deserve an explanation. There is someone else, well something else. I … I… I I GOT A VIDEO CAMERA OK. There it out, I said it. I got a video camera and instead of using you as a creative outlet I have been using it. I’m considering starting a Vlog.

It’s not you it’s me. I was just so busy studying for exams that I didn’t have time to type out a coherent post, I got frustrated and lonely and when I needed to vent it was there for me. It was so much easier to just talk to it rather than type everything out. I don’t expect you to forgive me. But, I would like to be friends? You and I we have something special that I just can’t get from a Vlog and that’s thinly veiled anonymity. How long has this being going on? Well on and off for three weeks. But it’s not like I have posted anything yet. I mean I could just delete the recording and we could go back to normal. Like it used to be before.

And that is as far as I got in the 10 minutes that I allowed for myself to procrastinate from studying for my last final exam for this semester. Not 10 minutes all up nooooooooo that would actually be inhuman. Even as a perfectionist I am not crazy enough to expect that from anyone. Just the 10 minutes that I allowed for typing out a brain wave that I had for a blog post. Many many minutes were lost through procrastinating via other methods that may or may not have included youtube.

But anyway that is in the past now, I still studied a lot and exams are over. I just finished my last one. And what better way to distract oneself from pondering what one may or may not have done in that exam than by train blogging? Especially since the above hypothetical conversation between my blog and I is not entirely fictional.

Yes, that’s right. I InsertNameHere got a video camera, thanks mum. Now as I like to consider myself an aspiring actor and scriptwriter and director etc. you can understand that a video camera has been on my list of wants for a very long time. But the thing about video cameras is that they are notorious for being that thing that you buy (a lot of the time before an overseas vacation) that you think you will use all the time and then never use again except for maybe that family reunion that everyone would actually prefer to forget. Then there is the fact that I have had this blog for a year now and I have only posted 17 times (including this post), so what does that say about my commitment to anything I do? So, you can also probably understand why I am a little afraid that my video camera will end up a dust collecting ornament. BUT, I am determined to not let that happen.

So then what will I do with my awesome camera? Well I could just film everything ever, like that movie but without the superpowers and death and I am considering that option but recognise that it may not be the most socially acceptable one. Then there is the vlog (and the awkward moment when my computer views “vlog” as an incorrectly spelt word, get with the program computer this is not cave man times… I’m kidding computer please don’t crash or anything). The above possible youtube included some videos by the Vlog brothers (I would like to note one was directly related to one of my exams so technically studying) and them The Lizzie Bennet Diaries which is amazing, so amazing in fact that I used its actual name in my post as opposed to calling it the emmy awards winning vlog series based on one of the most well-known Jane Austen novels. And I thought hey that is something I could do. I then looked up how many people actually do that (list of well-known youtube personalities) and saw that a lot of people do. Which really means any attempt I made would most likely be considered unoriginal and so late for the party that no one even remembers having one. But who am I to let that stop me. If I want to have a vlog I should. I mean I was late to the party with the blog and yet as I type this out I feel better than I have in a long time.

But, do I really want a vlog, there is not anonymity with one, they see your face. Would I willingly post a video of me talking to a camera, bad acne and all onto the internet where it stays FOREVER. What if something I think is really cool isn’t or a say something I later regret. Now both issues are things I face with this blog and I do attempt to not say anything that I would not be comfortable saying in real life but a vlog feels kinda different. There would also be nothing to stop me for shamelessly promoting it, which means people I know might see it and what if it is stupid?

Plus, what would a vlog mean for this blog, I mean I could make the blog not anonymous (because I have been doing such a good job at keeping it a secret… not) but do I want that? But with the amount of free time I have I could not do both, plus I would run out of ideas and then when I had one of my rare ideas I would have to decide whether to blog or vlog it.

Just another example of how I over complicate things. But then again, I would much rather have this to worry about then exams.

Oh how the freedom tastes so sweet.
Till next time (Hopefully not too far away).

Less Than 200 Words #2

Hi,
I just looked into the 100 happy days thing that people are doing. Probably not the best choice as I sat here feeling miserable and you guessed it procrastinating. It made me think that I should do such a thing with this blog. Which is almost a year old. Considering that I always thought that I would give up after the first post I'm pretty happy that I still remember my login. I think if I promised to post more I would force myself to; but right now I don't think I can handle the pressure. Plus 100 miserable days doesn't quite have the same ring to it. But when things settle down I have an idea for my next signature longer than any sane person would read post. Lets hope it still makes sense in my brain by that point. Anyway I like the 100 happy days idea though, I suppose this thing is old news but hey I have never really been onto it with these internet/smartphone trends as I soldier on with my Nokia brick.

I'm out. Time to get stuff done.
Please let the stuff get done.

Only I Can Make Relaxing This Complicated

So, I had this plan.

Generally each post takes me quite me quite a while so I done post that often. Because I should be doing something useful, but I don’t want to, because you know the thing about useful stuff? They are generally the most boring tasks. You know the ones, the ones that involve reading textbooks and work and an assessment on how well you achieved the goal (which quite frankly you never got and still haven’t even though you have spent a whole week doing the stupid thing).

Yeah, there is a lot of angst surrounding my educational pursuits these days. IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS SOUL CRUSHING!!!!!!!!!!! 

I apologise for the inconsistent font, blogger is being difficult. It is not by choice.

The thing is, I like to tell people that I write a blog, a super-secret anonymous blog. But since I have not posted in like forever (my original goal was to post at least once a month. Yeah, nah not going to happen) well I’m starting to feel like saying I write a blog would be a lie. Hence I must post.

That is not to say that I have not wanted to post. I have, I spend valuable time planning posts that never eventuate because I don’t have the time or motivation or confidence to write them down.
So why are a posting now you ask.

Well let me tell you.

I am currently sitting in a so called “Luxury Motel.” I know I usually have a policy of not naming names but I will break this rule (it probably won’t matter since barely anyone reads this anyway). It is called “The Salty-Dog Inn”, generally the company with this name specialises in fishing bait but I suppose they are branching out (they really shouldn’t).

Now generally I am a glass half empty type of person but I have had a rough time lately. Uni is more awful than usual and I have so much to do that it makes me feel physically sick. So after a week of trying to do work over the mid semester break and failing miserably. Feeling like my whole life is a failure, only finding joy in  television (which in itself is depressing on reflection) and dealing with computer viruses (which means I know longer think highly of my previous anti-virus software which shall remain nameless) I was hoping that I could relax in luxury with my family for one night.  

The thing is there is no full kitchen as promised; the TV is the smallest sole TV for any place that I have seen in a long time, they promised sky (but the sky options are limited to 3 channels) and only one of the free to air channels actually works.

The microwave is broken.
The toaster is broken.
The toilet is broken and actually installed illegally according to my father.

The place is generally just kinda old and the cleaning is sup par.

Now you could say that I was just being picky but as you know I like my TV and so I look forward to the prospect of watching good TV (sky has that connotations) on a high quality TV set.

I don’t know, even though the place sounds like one of those shady motels that would be a setting for a case in one of those forensic shows that I follow it promised luxury so I hoped for luxury. And, anyway tomorrow I have to go back to reality and try to do work again and I don’t want to.

So am sitting here drinking wine and blogging at the request of a person who reads this blog.
That’s right you heard it. This blog officially has a reader who actually enjoys the experience. And not the disclaimer where I tell you that I am related to so called fan of the blog who has actually tried to distract me from completing this post (so that’s counterproductive).

Anyway, so back to my plan (the one I mentioned at the beginning of this post but never properly explained) I was going to limit my time to writing a post to only 15 minutes and show how much I typed in each minute so that you as the ready could follow my panic to write anything interesting minute by minute (I promise it was going to be more entertaining than it sounds) but I can’t type that fast since to this point it have taken almost an hour to type this much.

But I am now going to the main building of this complex to use the free Wi-Fi (yay) to post this and then watch some TV online without guilt because I AM ON HOLIDAY!!! (I feel guilty already) so the night is not a compete bust.

May tomorrow be better than today.
Note: that may be considered a quote from a book that I read once but on reflection hate bar this line. No copywrite intended but it may be better that I don't name the book, since I just admitted to hating it.

Anyway...
Cya Peoples

Less than 200 Words #1

Can I just say that I have a thing against the phrase "I can't answer that."
Acceptable alternatives are:
1. "I don't know" (or variations)
2."I am not allowed to tell you because..." (an explanation is required)
Or even 3. "I don't want to tell you" (hopefully with an explanation)
This way at least I know where I stand and don't just assume that you really meant option 3 which creates confusion, awkwardness and can be quite upsetting.

Synonyms for Irrational: Illogical, Unreasonable, Foolish, Crazy, Ridiculous, Absurd and Silly

So I tried to set up a twitter account yesterday. Now if you view twitter as a ‘blog in miniature’ then that was a really silly idea. But I can explain, really I can, I think. Twitter has never been a big part of my life in fact before December last year I can remember only two instances in the whole life of twitter where I actually looked up someone’s profile. Now I will admit to having several times planned what I would post had I an account but it was something that I dismissed as ones of those things that would either consume my life or become just another unaccomplished fad in my typical all or nothing way. Much like my initial but slowly waning fears for the future of this blog; but I was at a different point in my life.

Now I believe that in my previous post I discussed at length my inability to be concise in my written expressions (my year 13 English teacher would be horrified by how over-written this post appears to be, but it must just be one of those days). As a side point you may or may not have noticed that there is not a short description under the title of my blog. I didn’t really feel that it was needed but the empty space that it left in the layout was annoying me so I tried to add something that wasn't completely ridiculous. And it took me ages. So in its design twitter probably wouldn't be my thing. Especially after I had just decided it was ok for me to just post up whatever I wanted on this blog. Now the thought did pass over my mind that maybe if I had a twitter and forced myself to post at least once a day then there would be some benefit. But really who am I kidding if I can barely get my life together enough to post on this thing. Plus I don’t want to be seen as one of those people who are so conceited that they think that people are actually interested in a running commentary of their lives. Which is stupid because I don’t think that about any twitter or blog I follow and depending on the person actually find said running commentary rather entertaining.

So the question must be asked after all of the above why was I considering a twitter account?

Well in December I went to the concert of one of my favorite bands and after the concert out of curiosity I looked them up on twitter. Now I regularly look up the posts of that band and 3 actors, plus after watching the episodes of that television program I was supper excited about airing in the first two weeks of 2014 I searched what people were saying about it on twitter and found some entertainment in their reactions.

I like the fact that the people can control what they tell the world about them, it makes them seen more like real people and not the celebrities they are build up as being. While I will happily flick through a trashy celebrity magazine while sitting in the waiting room for an appointment I don’t like the idea of fame and celebrities; caring about what someone wears, what they weigh or what they name their baby just because they are more visible as a necessity to their chosen occupation. In saying that I am not immune to being a fangirl. It’s difficult to not be a complete hypocrite in this area as since I am interested in acting and movies/tv/theatre naturally I am interested in the actors. I like knowing what makes them tick and finding out what there next project it.

Now I can enjoy that on twitter without having an account and being included in the number of followers the person has but as a blogger I realise that like the number of page views I get on my blog the number of followers a person has on twitter is not just a number, it's a sign that people are interested in what I am saying. And if I like the actor/band etc enough why should I not want to be included in that number. Especially since people can be so mean to actors and the like seemingly just because they can so I would like to think that this was some way I could show support to the ones i like.

That kinda makes a point about anonymous blogging in a way. See I look up the accounts of visible people because I already know a small bit about them and want to know more but it’s not like we will meet through a friend of a friend unless of course my friends have been holding out on me in regards to their social contacts. But the point is if I ran across the same posts anonymously would I still care enough to read it. In the context of actors this doesn't quite work but if it was a comedian who just posted about normal thing in an interesting way then it begs the question: "is it what is being said or rather who is saying it that matters?" Of course we know what we want the answer to be but I suppose it is just about exposure which unless you are posting something scandalous (by which i mean of high public or niche interest) is difficult to get whilst still trying to maintain anonymity. 

Anyway back to the twitter debacle; I kinda like the idea of finding a way to have both a blog and a twitter that are linked so that they are separate but not since I’m still not quite used to the idea of doing twitter like posts on this blog (which if I am going to be brutally honest is due to the fact that I have not thought of anything inspired enough of the appropriate length which is not the fault of my chosen communication method).

Typing it all out now it doesn't make a lot of sense and I suppose that is why my first sentence was “So I tried to set up a twitter account yesterday” and not “So I set up a twitter account yesterday.” That happened because the main twitter page for signing up made it look like you needed a smartphone to have an account now which I don’t have and so at that first obstacle I gave up and instead developed the intention of writing a post about being behind the times in technology.

But when I sat down to write this I decided to check again and as it turns out I don’t need a smartphone for it. However I do need one for Instagram unless I am again mistaken. Now the thing about the Instagram one is that it is getting to the point where if you don’t have it you can be seen as a bit of a nuisance because you haven’t seen what your friends have posted so even if I was to never put up any pics myself being able to see what my friends put up would be nice.

The thing is being up to date with technology has never really been my priority I just care about being able to do what I need  and not the maths jargon or actual hardware details. I suppose that financial constraints have made this attitude a necessity but I don’t want to ever feel that what I have is the same as who I am and I’m not really ready to spend 2 weeks’ pay on a phone.

Yes that’s right I have employment. Which is quite an achievement considering that a year ago I couldn't even get a job at McDonald's (fyi my current job is not at McD's either).  Now blogs and employment are not two things I plan to mix other than to point out that full time work really does take up a large amount of a person’s day and since I won't be posting about it than that leaves little time for me to do other things to post about (just making excuses here as I really am just scared that if I couldn't think of something interesting to post about when I was on holiday how will I now).

So the end result is that I was going to get twitter but didn't because I thought I couldn't but have since realised that I can so now need to decide if I will knowing that if I did I would probably never use it anyway.

Wow what a whole lot of nothing but I took the time to type it so on to the internet it goes.

The Perils of Basing an Anonymous Blog Post on Family Focused Experiences

For all my previous statements about my inability to write a post of the appropriate length I almost feel that it would be a cop out to write a short one. Don’t get me wrong I do recognise that in general society today has a short attention span and I do not for a second assume that anything I write will change that. It’s just I am known for my struggle to fit within word limits and I think that if ever there is a place where it is appropriate to waffle on without a clear direction or point then it would have to be in a blog. I mean people are under now compulsion to read what I type (unless of course you are one of the two people whom I nag until you read it, sorry, but your feedback is appreciated) and it is not like you have to read 100 of them and grade them like assignments, until 2am every night sooo I shall do as I please.

For some reason I had previously thought that you should only post something that would not be appropriate to put on twitter or Facebook. But that is complete rubbish now that I think about it. Yes twitter has a character limit and Facebook is where anything longer than a 1 paragraph rant or story or 2 paragraphs of sentiment is generally looked down upon (but please do not let my irrational rules stop you). But just because a blog is where you can go on for pages does not mean that I couldn't put up one the length of an average status update or what would be a twitter post if I had twitter. I mean if it fits with what I want the blog to be about then why not? Unfortunately I have yet to solidify what it actually is that my blog is about (unless you count that specific indecision). I kinda think that I would like to try a few stylised posts and I am constantly holding myself back from turning this into a TV/movie/actor review/fan site the main reason for which I don’t want to be seen criticizing the hard work of others and also I’m sure we have all had the experience of re-watching a movie we just loved 2 year ago and wondering what on earth did we ever see in it. That is not something I want the world to see. But hey, it seems I am in the habit if breaking my rules so who know maybe the odd review or discussion for variety my pop up.

I am also debating whether to post up links to pictures/music/clips that I like or are related to the post but this debate is still in its very early stages and I make no promises that anything will eventuate from it.

Now I started this post with a discussion on blog post lengths because I anticipated it was going to be the first short one. And once again, well it isn't. Which if I am going to be completely honest im kinda happy about, but im also glad that I no longer feel compelled to write long ones (even though I was always trying to keep them short). OK we have reached the point in the post where I lose the ability to make sense and everyone starts to wonder whether I even understand what I am talking about.

Anyway the reason why I anticipated a short post was because I promised one about my camping trip (and I will continued to call it a camping trip even though it was one night). However the thing about camping with family is that most stories are only funny because you know the people, moments are full of inside jokes and don’t really work for an anonymous blog. To begin with the location of said camping trip was “The Island” which is a real island but it has a weird name so it is known to most by the above movie reference. Now I don’t really feel like explaining the particulars of the location because the short explanation makes it sound more exotic than it is and the long one makes it sound worse than it is (if you know me, most likely you will know about “The Island” and if you don’t please ask). Secondly if I told you that the highlight of the trip was sitting around a campfire, roasting marshmallows, trying to read Oscar Wilde (well me anyway) and comparing each-others scores to the AQ test for Autism (which is a test I think everyone should take just out of interest) well you would think my family was weird; which quite frankly I would not dispute but would counter argue that everyone’s family is. To quote my auntie “normal is just a setting on a washing machine”. The thing is if you knew my family the above stated activity would not surprise you in the slightest.

So if I can’t tell you about where I went camping, none of the stories make sense and you have no interest in me telling you about my opinions on the first time I have read any of Oscar Wilde’s works then you can see it makes for a rather short post.

But of course it is not a short post and if you are still with me and have not fallen asleep or left this blog in favour of another cute cat video on YouTube or other more interesting web based content than I thank and congratulate you; for you my friend are among a very select few.